I’ve been seeing this guy on and off for a few years (I’m a girl). We’re both in our early 30s and we met at some random party maybe 4 years ago? Anyway, we’ve hooked up, decided to get serious and every time things would get serious he always wants to break-up. The first time, we had been dating for a year and he decided he needed to focus on his career and then we got back together, dated for almost 2 years and after some comments from my family about “putting a ring on it” and “when are you guys getting married?” He decided to break up with me again. I was heartbroken both times and I think that might be way I keep taking him back. I think we’re great together. I like being with him but I think he has some stuff to figure out. I don’t know. My question is this, right now we’ve been talking again and I’ve been super cautious. He wants to try dating seriously again but honestly, I’m ready to move on and find someone who is willing to stick around. Should I give this guy his final chance or should I just move on?
All love but no commitment
This situation is a common one but none-the-less frustrating and heartbreaking. It sounds based on your timeline that every time you get ready to move on, he swoops back in. You didn’t say if you had dated anyone else in between your two relationships, but it could be that he sees you as something casual to keep on the back burner or only fit to be dating when it’s convenient for him. Pressure from family to get married is difficult, but more so today because marriage takes longer for many people in your age bracket. Ordinarily, I would simply advise that you move on from this guy. It just never seems to work out, but you seem to like this guy. I’d advise having a long talk with him and express to him what you have done here. Let him know that you’re ready to have a loving relationship with him that you want but that you want to know he is going to stick around. See how that goes, check-in with your body and your emotions, and follow your instinct. You will make the right choice for you.
I’m a guy in my early 40s. I’ve been getting back out on the dating after recently divorcing my high school sweet heart and for the first time in my life I’ve been having some erectile dysfunction. I’ve never had any problems in bed before but now it feels like my body just isn’t interested. Is it old age? And how do I deal with the embarrassment? I never got how emasculating it is but it is truly terrible to meet someone (which is harder now!) and be ready in your head but not your other head isn’t not on board with your plan. What do I do?
Not making love anymore
Dear Not Making,
ED (erectile dysfunction) happens in up to 60% of men starting in the mid-30s but it can even happen younger. There are a variety of reasons a man can suffer this condition but the best thing to do is schedule an appointment with your doctor as soon as possible. You might be suffering from low testosterone, blood pressure issues, obesity, blood flow issues, or something else. As soon as the pandemic allows, see your doctor and find out the problem. In the mean time, if you’re seeing someone, try other forms of intimacy that don’t always involve penetrative sex. It can be fun, fulfilling, and wonderful. Give it a try.