Husband’s Phone Passcode

Dear Constance,

I have an interesting problem that I don’t know how to solve: my husband won’t share his phone password. I’ve tried to bring it up with him and see if I can get some movement on this but he just won’t budge. We’ve been together for 10 years and married for 3 and now that we’re married I feel like I should have his phone passcode! Doesn’t that make sense? I’m his wife! We share a life!

No Passcode

Dear No Passcode,

In every relationship, there needs to be a certain amount of privacy. If you have been with him for this long, why does it matter now? There’s also another aspect to this that I’ve long believed in: if you look long enough for something you will find something. If you are afraid he is cheating on you (presuming your relationship is monogamous) then you should address that with him directly instead of looking through his phone. Believe in him and in your relationship and if you have a problem then direct communication is best.

Photo by Adam Wilson on Unsplash

Sober Life and Friends

Dear Constance

I’m doing the new year, new me thing and I decided to stop drinking but my friends aren’t so on-board. As a young man, the minute I hit 21, I was at all the bars and clubs, partying it up and having a good time. I had alot of fun and developed a drinking habit. I was out drinking, drinking at home sometimes, just drinking. But I’m 28 now, the career demands are hitting and I just can’t drink like I used to. I also felt that personally, it was becoming a problem. I started going to some meetings and started my sober journey. I kept in touch with my friends and I started to suggest some other things we could do besides go to the bar and drink. They haven’t been really on board with this and they aren’t really excited about doing anything else besides hang out and drink. I don’t really want to go to the bar where alcohol is being served right now. What do I do? How do I save my friendships?

Drinking no more

Dear Drinking,

At different stages of life, we have different friends. You are clearly changing stages of life. Partying in our early 20s is a high priority (and for good reason!) but as we get older the same things we used to love and enjoy doing often don’t provide the same pleasure. Alcoholism is a real thing and good on you for getting into meetings and working on your own sober journey when you realized you had a problem. Too many people don’t. While I wish I could give you a pile of suggestions to keep your friends, the reality is that you probably need new friends around your new interests. Don’t be discouraged, you’ll find new friends and new memories and this time you’ll be doing it in a healthy way and probably remember it far better than your old life. Good Luck!