Welcome to our new advice column, Dear Constance

Dear Constance,

I met this guy back in 2018 around the holidays. We hit it off and started dating in the new year. We even had a New Years kiss. So we’ve been dating and seeing each other. We’re both guys, late 20s. I’ve never been in a long-term relationship and he was married (to a woman) before he came out. The dating has been going well and we’ve both avoided labels. The sex is really good too and that’s a priority for me. Anyway, here’s my problem. My lease on my apartment I share with my roommate is up in about a month. My roommate is looking at moving to another city for work and so I either have to get a new roommate or move myself. The guy I’m seeing sprung on me that we should move in together and find a place for us. As fate would have it, his lease is up soon too and he’s not happy where he is and was already planning on moving. I’m excited for this new relationship but I’m not really excited about moving in with a guy I’ve only known a few months. I’d rather wait but it also seems like a great time to do it. I’m just worried that if we break up, it’s going to be painful and expensive to move.

What should I do?
Trying to move……in?

Dear Moving,

Thanks for writing in! I get quite a few of these types of letters. 6 months is a little too soon to move in, in my opinion. You guys haven’t even decided if you’re exclusive or boyfriends yet and he’s already thinking that you should go for what is really a prelude to marriage or a greater commitment in 21st-century dating. If the relationship were more serious and you were already committed, I might be more on board with trying living with this guy. Since you’re not there yet and this is your first long-term relationship, I would say that for now, you need to find a new roommate or move without moving in with your new guy. He’s been married before, so he’s more used to that pattern and that way of living with someone. At some level, he may be trying to replicate that feeling in his new stage of life. Wait another year, sign only a one year lease, see where you are in 2020 and if you’re relationship has blossomed, then sign a lease with your guy.

Good Luck!
Constance

Dear Constance,

I recently took my husband to a burlesque show. We’re both mid-30s, he works for the power company and I’m a teacher. It was a lot of fun. The women were incredibly attractive and there was partial nudity. I figured that my husband would be eating up every second. I also thought it might be good for some bedroom time later. Instead, almost the opposite happened. He looked visibly uncomfortable at the show and commented later that he was glad that show was over. My plan for sex didn’t work out either. So what I’m wondering is, is my husband gay? Is there something wrong with him? Did I some how pick out a defective man?

Wondering if my husband is broken

Dear Broken,

Thanks for writing in. I’m here to report that your husband isn’t broken and he’s probably not gay. Not every man is always stimulated the same way. For him, going to that kind of show might not be his cup of tea. Not every guy goes crazy just because a woman takes her clothes off. I would propose the opposite, you’ve chosen wisely. He is interested in you and not interested in any female human who is disrobing. I’m glad you like burlesque, there is alot of feminism in that world. It’s very empowering for the performers. But I would not worry about your husband. If anything, this is lessons learned. If you’re looking at spicing up your bedroom life, you might try another strategy from now on.

Kindly,
Constance

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