Hi Constance, My name is (withheld) and I have a bit of a pressing question. Before Covid-19, I was really pushing on my husband to start a family. I’m ready to be a mom sooner rather than later. He didn’t feel like we were ready financially for the whole thing and then the pandemic happened. We were both worried about our jobs and being furloughed or laid off. His job is more secure than mine and I ended up getting laid off. I’d rather stay at home and be a mom than try to get back into the workforce right now and I think now that I’m laid off, its a great time to start a family. Obviously, going down to one income is validating his financial concerns. I’m tempted to just stop taking my birth control and let nature take its course but I also feel like that would be dishonest. How do I convince my husband that now is the perfect time to start a family?

Desperate to conceive

Dear Desperate,

Right out of the gate, I want to say that you shouldn’t make this decision without your husband. Sometimes we get crazy ideas but the reality is that choosing to conceive a child needs to be a decision that is made together. If he has financial concerns then the next discussion should be about dollars and cents. What are his concerns? What financial goals does he feel like you, as a couple, need to reach to make this practical. Children are very expensive, especially infants. If you’re willing to do things like make your own baby food, use cloth diapers, and thrift clothing, you can save money but you have to be fully prepared to do all those things in order to make sure that ends meet with a new addition to the household. Also, don’t forget that as a man, he is likely feeling extra pressure to provide, so it is important to address all his concerns and then set about planning for your first child.

Good Luck!

Dear Constance,

So I have a problem and someone suggested I try out this site. I’m a guy in my late 30s and I’m looking to settle down and do the family thing but I can’t get a woman to stick around long enough to make that happen. I work out and am the typical alpha-type guy. Tall, strong, all that and I have a good job. I’ve always had women in my life and I’ve never had any problems with dating. I’m an alpha guy that women find attractive and I know how to respond in that environment. But I can’t seem to turn any relationship into something long-term. What does a guy like me have to do to get in a place where he can settle down with a great woman and start a family?

Alpha wants to settle-down

Dear Alpha,

This is certainly a unique problem. Now is the time for reflection. Look back at your past relationships and figure out what exactly went wrong? There is a big difference between picking up “girls” at the bar and dating a woman with long-term intentions. It is unlikely that you’ll find what you are looking for with how you’ve been meeting women. I would recommend looking for single women around activities other than drinking and partying. Once the pandemic has passed, I recommend taking up some activities and meeting women that way. Someone wonderful is sure to stick around. As a side note, it seems like you have a bit of your personality tied up in being an alpha guy. That might be good for a night but not so good for a lifetime. I would focus on other parts of your personality. Women, like men, are looking for a whole person to spend their life with and raise a family. So don’t be one-dimensional, show off everything that you have to offer.