Dear Constance,

Hi! I’ve been reading Rouges Magazine and your advice whenever it comes up and I thought I’d post because I’m trying to make a major change in my life. I graduated high school and not much has happened in my life since then. I’ve bounced around to a few jobs and I’ve mostly just played video games, partied, and hung out. I feel like life is passing me by a little bit. Different friends are doing different things and their lives seem like they are moving forward and mine just isn’t. I’m not having any luck on dating apps or anything like that either. Things are starting to seem empty and pointless. I want to try and start doing things and improving my life with a better job and all that stuff but I don’t know where to start. Should I hit the gym? Help?

Stuck in neutral

Dear Stuck,

The fact that you realize your life seems stuck is actually great progress. The first thing to do is recognize you have a problem. You have done that and now you can make changes. It sounds like you didn’t do much schooling after high school. In this day and age, that really is an economically bad decision. You can look at vocational schools, trades or college but the key is to look for a practical job and find out what education or skills you need to get hired. Seek out those programs and you might even be able to start digitally in the Fall. In the mean time, if you’re having trouble with cannabis seek out a narcotics anonymous group or work with a therapist if you have insurance. The key to coming out of your world and into a different one is to make small changes everyday. Try harder at your current job, limit the time you play video games and focus on other things like exercising, reading, or being social (distance of course needed due to Covid) and slowly make these changes to your life. If you make many small changes (shower regularly, pick out different clothes, etc.) then in no time you’ll be working towards the life you want.

Hot Husband

Dear Constance,

My name’s Amy and I have a weird concern about my husband. We’re in our early 50s and lately my husband has been into a health kick and he’s working out and he’s been prepping meals for us. I’ve been helping and trying to be encouraging. His libido is through the roof too, it’s like we’re newly married again. My concern is…odd. My husband has lost about 25 pounds and he is looking much hotter right now. Even my friends are starting to make comments. I haven’t really joined him at the gym and I’ve been eating with him but I don’t follow his strict diet. After 3 kids, I’m not what I was at 22 when we got married. I’m just really worried that this means he’s leaving me for someone else or he’s already having an affair. He promises me that he’s not but I still wonder. Should I jump on the fitness bandwagon? Should I check his phone? I don’t know what to do. I love him and I loved him before he decided to lose weight.

Scared of my hot husband in Atlanta

Dear Scared,

There is no reason to fear! There are really two concerns here: one is your own self-image and the other is your fear of infidelity. If you are happy with your body and the way you look there’s no need to make a change. If you aren’t happy then it is ok to make some small changes. Exercising is great at our age! It has a variety of health benefits. He was not happy and made a change. It’s healthy for married couples to do their own things with their own lives. The other one is infidelity. If he assures you that he is not stepping outside of your marriage (I presume you are monogamous) then you need to trust him. If you don’t trust him then that is entirely a different matter. According to your note, you guys are still having an active sex life. If he is working out for himself and still having sex with you I would venture to say that you’re safe and your husband is having all of his needs met right where you are. I would have a serious conversation about your feelings and see what he thinks about it and continue loving your husband and the life you’ve built together.