Narcissistic abuse is something that many people have experienced in their life. In this excerpt, we learn about gaslighting and projection and how abusers often use this technique to achieve their goal of codependency and getting other people to process their emotions. If you’d like to buy the full book please do so through Amazon.
The term gaslighting comes from the play Gaslight. In the play, a narcissistic husband who is also psychopathic slowly manipulates his wife into believing she is going insane. The reason he manipulates his wife into believing she is losing her sense of reality is so he can commit her to a mental institution and steal her inheritance. This is exactly what my wife attempted to do to me with the help of her parents, my mother, and my sister. I’ll explain the events leading up to this along with the continued gaslighting efforts by all of them to not only attempt to gain control over my finances, but to also gain control over our beautiful daughter.
On 25 March 2016, which was Good Friday, I arranged to go over to speak to her parents about the overwhelming circumstances and things I was stressed out about. Her dad owns his own business in Sales and has a lot of money. He is very arrogant, grandiose, impulsive, reckless, a pathological liar, lacks empathy, lacks guilt, lacks remorse, is deceptive, ruthless, manipulative, has a weak conscience, and is never wrong. He could sell anything to anyone by exploiting their weaknesses and vulnerabilities. Dr. Ramani Darvursala a leading expert on narcissism mentions in a series on Medcircle that psychopaths make the best salesman. He was one of the best salesmen for sure. My wife had a very similar personality to him and has a high-level job in the corporate world in Finance. This is where you will find many narcissists and psychopaths at the top of corporations. I always thought that being a psychopath meant you were a serial killer that was most likely in prison.
Psychologist Robert Hare, who developed the psychopath checklist, is also the author of Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of Psychopaths Among Us and Snakes in Suits teaches us that many people that are high in psychopath traits are living among us and are very successful financially. They are obsessed with money, power, and control. My ex-wife’s father is very condescending and lets you know in more ways than one that you’re beneath him. When I walked into their house, he was in the hallway pacing and appeared to be angry, his face was red. I sat on the couch and he began unloading on me saying, “I’m disappointed in the way you’re treating my daughter.” He also said, “Now I know why your brother said he felt you were becoming a better person in his best man speech, you’re not a very good person.” He told me I had an anger problem and I was a liar despite the fact that I never lied to them or my wife about anything, not one thing. I continued to get screamed at and berated being told I was “irrational” multiple times. This was projection and exactly who he was, although I didn’t know it at the time. I believed him that this is who I was because of my tendency to be self-doubting.