Thanks to the Obergefell decision, gay and lesbian couples can get married. In traditional straight relationships, that usually means that the relationship is closed; both parties are generally committing to not sleeping with other people. However, like so many things, gay men have flipped the script on the traditional ideas around marriage.

Open Relationships

Sexuality is different for men, especially gay men. Men like to have sex, a lot of sex. The human male is biologically trained to breed as often as possible. After all, humans didn’t get to 7 billion people by happenstance. For gay men, that biological imperative is still there but the people involved aren’t going to be producing any humans. Most gay men workout and that leads to higher levels of testosterone which means these gay men want to have sex and plenty of it. The idea of only sleeping with one person for the rest of their lives just doesn’t seem feasible for most gay men. At some point in the relationship, someone is going to find someone else attractive.

The Difference Between Sex and Love

That attraction for gay men doesn’t necessarily mean that they need to blow up their entire love life just for a hookup with a random guy they think is sexy. An open relationship allows the men involved to stay in love with the person that they emotionally connect to while also having their physical needs met. That’s the difference between sex and love. It’s easy to find someone physically attractive (great abs, a nice ass, nice chest) but actually falling in love with someone is not so easy. When it comes to falling in love, other factors like income/class, personality, and compatibility come into play in a big way. However, meeting with someone who just wants to fulfill physical needs and then move on is a very different energy and a very different attitude.

SHH…..Don’t Tell

One of the aspects of this well-known thing within the gay community is how few gay couples, especially those known online, talk about this fairly common thing within gay male relationships. It’s a sort of secret where these men are publicly together and it seems like they are doing all the same sorts of things that straight married people do, but the reality is quite different. Most straight couples don’t continue hooking up with other people (although that is changing) but gay men are far more likely to continue doing so. It’s time this started to become more common. If more people knew that this was the norm then it might destigmatize it and reset some expectations for those who are dating and getting into long-term relationships with other men. It starts a conversation that needs to be had.

Big Gay

This video from Davy Wavy does a great job of talking about open relationships and how gay male open relationships are sort of a big secret in the community. Give it a watch.